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These stories are the true tales of my exciting life that made me the man I am today. You should be warned, some of them contain graphic descriptions of terrifying monsters, and bloody gory actions, ‘cos I’m like, hard me. I eat cheese. If you are easily offended, you should'nt look at these stories. They will scare you. You’ll poop your pants and have to change your underwear, and if you’re in a public place you’ll be laughed and pointed at by others, who will simultaneously shout "smelly, smelly! That easily offended person has bad smalling things in their smalls!" Um, so yeah, don’t look at them. Uh, I mean, DO look at them! They’re good! But only if you reckon you can take it. There’s no nasty swearwords or anything like that though, only horrific (yet somehow exceptionally amusing, y'know, like smacking someone in the face with a frying pan) violence. And you can meet my teapot dwelling miniature donkeys and my pet lepers. They’re great. And they like cheese too. | |
 You have convinced me Gizzard! Let me see these fabulously scrummy stories! |
 I am an easily offended wuss. I wish to scream like a girlie and poo my undergarments! |
